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See, that’s what the app is perfect for.

Sounds perfect Wahhhh, I don’t wanna
thereallieutenantcommanderdata
doktorgirlfriend

The Riddler hijacks the local TV airwaves and appears onscreen holding a comically long roll of paper. After dramatically clearing his throat, he proceeds to read from it.

“The following is a list of people who can suck it. Number One: The Joker. I don’t think I need to explain that one. Number Two: Cluemaster. Fuck you, you stole my bit, and I will be like a plague unto your house. Number Three: King Tut. You also stole my bit, but did it while killing people and got me arrested for murder. Also, I’m, like, 93% sure you’re a white guy and your costume is racist.

“Number Four: The Scarecrow. I know you ate my leftover Chinese, Jon, even though I wrote my name on it. I was saving that for lunch. I had to eat a goddamn peanut butter and jelly sandwich like a five-year-old. It was all you had in the hideout. For fuck’s sake, go shopping, not all of us can live like a bridge troll.

“Number Five: The Penguin. You- No, no, wait, wait… That one should be crossed out. He replaced that and apologized. Never mind, Oswald, you’re fine. Drinks at 7:00 tomorrow, right?

“Anyway, where was…? Ah, yes. Number Six: The Mad Hatter. You carded me and left me like that for six hours because I, and I quote, ‘would not stop talking about Mythbusters.’ Well, excuse me for trying to make intellectually stimulating conversation on a level you could understand. I suppose every time you prattle on about mome raths and borogoves it’s goddamn Shakespeare? Well… Well, it’s Carroll, but… Oh, you know what I mean!

“Number Seven: Catwoman. You left me hanging by one hand from a ledge five stories up and holding a twenty-pound bag of jewels and very pointy  objets d'art while you ‘distracted’ the Dark Knight. I know you were making out with him, Selina. You were gone for fifteen minutes. My shoulder almost dislocated. Very unprofessional.

“Number Eight: Kite Man.”

Here the Riddler pauses, lifting his narrowed gaze to glare at the camera, voice dropping to an ominous tone.

“You know what you did…”

His demeanor shifts quickly, and he’s back to reading from his list almost cheerfully.

“Number Nine! Th-”

He’s interrupted by a crashing noise in the background and looks over his shoulder just an instant before a deep voice angrily growls, “Riddler!”

“Oh, for the love of-” He turns to glare at the camera, speaking quickly. “Number Nine: Batman! Interrupting me while I’m on television making very important- Hm-mmph!”

He’s reduced to muffled curses as a black gloved hand covers his mouth and pulls him out of frame. The camera tilts, a cracking noise is heard, and the broadcast turns to static.

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

KITE MAN’S CRIMES WERE NUMEROUS AND TERRIBLE

rouge-fox-expanded

If I were batman I’d give him like a five minute warning, because this actually sounds theraputic.

Batman: Riddler, you’ve hijacked the TV airwaves and you know that’s wrong but I think this is actually theraputic. So I’m giving you five minutes, and then I’m taking you to Arkham

Robin: Geez get a facebook account for this crap, hell if you wanna vent to millions of strangers just get youtube.

thefingerfuckingfemalefury

“RIDDLER YOU CAN’T JUST GO ON TV AND SCREAM AT PEOPLE

THAT’S WHAT YOUTUBE IS FOR”

beka-tiddalik

Riddler takes this advice. He gets his own youtube channel called RiddleMe_Th15. It starts out as being purely therapeutic, a platform for publically calling out those who have annoyed him. Then someone leaves him a pathetically easy riddle to solve in the comments, and he spends his next segment ranting about it, and then posing a better one.

This starts a dialogue with a number of other youtube users who both attempt to answer his riddles and pose their own riddles in return.

Riddler has found his people, and his hit count is climbing.

failure-to-adult

Seriously, Riddler would KILL IT (metaphorically speaking) on YouTube.  He just does those weird animated puzzle videos where he poses lengthy, overly complicated puzzles, game theories, and riddles, then gives away…fuck I don’t know…Amazon or iTunes cards to whoever gets them right.

“Riddle me this: How can I ensure there are more videos like this one?  The answer, my little quest solvers, is simple: Like and subscribe, and consider donating to my Patreon!  Which isn’t much of a Riddle, but seriously I’m down to eating crackers and ramen right now and YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain.”

doktorgirlfriend

Bringing this back because “YouTube keeps demonetizing my videos because I used to be a supervillain” has to be shared and because I have some followers who have not experienced The Riddler Post.

Seriously, if you ever need a good time, just read all the responses in the notes. This post still ranks as one of the best things I’ve ever done.

Source: doktorgirlfriend
mutantenfisch
whitebeltwriter:
“ weresehlat:
“ grouch314:
“ hot4triangle:
“ sssn-neptune-vasilias:
“ points-at-my-hand:
“ Ever wonder how big wolves are and why running from them is a really bad idea?
”
This had me so fucked up the first time I worked at the zoo....
points-at-my-hand

Ever wonder how big wolves are and why running from them is a really bad idea?

sssn-neptune-vasilias

This had me so fucked up the first time I worked at the zoo. Because honestly they just look like big German-Huskies when they’re not wild. They look like big puppies. And then… they get close to you… And it’s suddenly kinda fucking terrifying. Like “oh this is the animal that used to scare people shitless.” “This is the animal that used to run through nightmares and poems so much.” And you suddenly fucking get it. As cool as these animals are far away, as important as the animals are in their natural environment, as much as we need them to survive… they’re still pretty fucking terrifying 

hot4triangle

can you believe these things became our friends

grouch314

And then people domesticated them and now sleep with them in their beds.

We’re not a species meant to last

weresehlat

I’d actually argue the opposite!

We took these super efficient killing machines and befriended them and now they love and protect us as much as we (ideally) love and protect them

Cats basically domesticated themselves so that they could share in our food, medical care, and affection

In urban spaces, prey species know that there’s a higher likelihood that humans will help you if you’re stuck or injured than them killing or maiming you

It’s just, over time we see trends of our species overcoming environmental pressures that would and do lead to extinction in other species by sharing and forming close bonds with other sentient organisms and just kinda… aggressively community-bonding our way out of it?

For a long time there’s been this pervading idea that we, as a species, are just innately violent and terrible and “sinful” and it’s been that violence that let us survive (see the hunting hypothesis of human evolution). But that’s not what we see

We are, at our core, a species that looks into the face of something other, and thinks “I wonder if they want to be friends?” so long as the individual isn’t actively trying to kill us. Sure, tons of people do awful things every day, but for every terrible act or thought on this Earth, there are a dozen acts of kindness that people do casually for complete strangers

So yeah. We looked at these massive fluffy monsters with the sharp claws and crushing jaws rooting in our garbage just beyond the campfire and thought, the way no other species before or after us has done to the same extent; “They look friend-shaped!”

And they were. And that is how we got to be the dominant species on this planet

whitebeltwriter

“They look friend-shaped!”

Source: unsaltedwaters
mutantenfisch
un-rare

let’s stop seeing sex as the biggest thing you can do to show someone you love them

huntinthedwellin98

everyone knows that the real way to show someone you love them is to find them a really cool rock. not a diamond. just a neat rock that you think they will enjoy

anonymoussong

elvenkingtranduil

Not a rock THE  ARKENSTONE 

glorfy-the-bright-haired-ellon

Why just one rock
Why not three
Why not the silmarils

cortohdow

#i’m pretty sure there’s an entire book on the topic ‘why not silmarils’  (x)

desidesidesi

And one on why not the arkenstone

cakeisnotpie

You’re right. Just get them a ring.

bcfurs

official-sauron

do not get them a ring

penelopevalentine

Can’t not reblog this again

dammitjakz

@wolkking

firrelord

guy knows what’s up. i’d trust him

hermitknut
notbecauseofvictories

Listen, I hear what you’re saying, but Young Sam being the deadly combo of his mother’s powerful Ladies Who Organize tendencies, and his father’s stubborn anti-authority pragmatism makes him an ideal community organizer. He’s cheerful and unflagging and drinks coffee at a rate that would impress even Maladict; he has a dartsboard in his office with an iconograph of Lord Downey II pinned to it, and when asked his response is invariably a chilly, “he knows what he did.” 

When you look deeply in his eyes you can see the abyss looking back. 

(It wants to know if you’ve signed that petition yet.)

caw-oticdork

Ok, but what is his opinion on the new Patricia n, Moist

Source: notbecauseofvictories